


Remembrance

by GoldsJRZGirl



Series: Common Interests [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Friendship, Good Severus Snape, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Memory Loss, Mentor/Protégé, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Potions, Sorrow and Healing, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldsJRZGirl/pseuds/GoldsJRZGirl
Summary: Before Harry changed his life around, Severus mourned the loss of two very important people—his mother and his mentor—each year. Yet sometimes solace can come out of sorrow, and peace through remembrance. prequel to Common Interests.
Relationships: Eileen Prince/Tobias Snape
Series: Common Interests [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932601
Comments: 17
Kudos: 49





	1. Do I Know You?

**Remembrance**

**A companion piece to Common Interests**

**This story is dedicated to my mother, Mary, who passed away of Parkinsons in 2012.**

**"Those we remember live in our memories forever, undying."**

**And now, without further ado, I give you . . . Remembrance.**

**1**

**Do I Know You?**

_Angel's Rest_

_June 21, 1990:_

He came to the graveyard every year on this date, the date of her birth, to remember and to mourn the loss of his mother, Eileen Aurora Prince-Snape. The graveyard was called Angel's Rest, and Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master, knew there was at least one angel resting here for all eternity. He knew his mother would have rolled her eyes at referring to her that way, she had never been perfect, and often had a quick tongue, but she had tried her best to instill honor, pride, and integrity into her son. She had also struggled to keep her child safe from her abusive husband, though she failed more often than not. But Severus forgave her, for Tobias Snape was not an easy man to thwart, he was cold and hard, and danced to no one's tune but his own.

Tobias had married Eileen for her beauty and her wealth, he never believed in magic, claimed it was all parlor tricks and fake, maybe once he had even loved her, but whatever affection he felt didn't last the two years it took to run through her trust fund. Tobias was a user, both of people and drugs, and a gambler also. He dealt cards and cocaine, and played with people's lives in a casual nonchalant fashion.

He had hidden that side from Eileen while he dated her, but she discovered the awful truth about six months into her marriage. She was horrified, but sought to try and help her husband. Only problem was, Tobias didn't want any help. To her sorrow, he pushed away all attempts at getting clean and going into rehab.

And Eileen, who loved the irresponsible bounder, and tried so hard to redeem him, struggled against an unstoppable tide, breaking her heart time and again upon Tobias' selfishness and greed.

Severus sighed, and knelt to lay a bouquet of roses and jonquils upon her grave, which was carefully tended by the staff. The headstone was of pure silver Italian marble, Severus had paid for it himself, it had cost him a month's salary, but the cost had been irrelevant. The stone bore a pair of angel wings at the top and beneath the inscription with his mother's years and the message _Beloved Mother, Faithful Wife, Devoted Daughter. You were all that was warm and wonderful. May you know Eternal Peace._

There was a small niche in the headstone where a single blue candle burned. Severus had enchanted the candle to burn perpetually, the light that never went out, a beacon of warmth in a world that was colder by her absence.

He put his fingers to his lips, then placed them upon the headstone, in loving benediction.

"Happy birthday, Mum."

He always came here on this date, as well as the holidays, to remember the woman who had given him life, and loved him despite the many mistakes he had made. She had forgiven him everything in the end, even when he could not forgive himself.

It was mild for June, a nice clear day, yet Severus felt a chill run through him. He remained on his knees, out of respect and repentance, his head bowed, eyes fixed upon the headstone.

As always, the memories came, good and bad, flowing inexorably through him . . .

_His earliest memory was of loving arms rocking him to and fro, the smell of honey and lemon drifting into his nostrils as he buried his face into the curve of her neck, feeling her voice vibrating through him as she sang softly._

" _Sleep, baby, sleep  
Your father tends the sheep  
Your mother shakes the dreamland tree  
And from it fall sweet dreams for thee  
Sleep, baby, sleep  
Sleep, baby, sleep_

_Sleep, baby, sleep  
Our cottage vale is deep  
The little lamb is on the green  
With snowy fleece so soft and clean  
Sleep, baby, sleep  
Sleep, baby, sleep"_

He couldn't have been more than a year or two when she sang that to him, but the old tune and the words had never been forgotten. To this day he remembered her familiar sweet soprano and drifting off into slumber, safe and warm.

But no sooner had he acknowledged that memory, another took its place.

_A somewhat older and very curious Severus watched Eileen stirring something with a large spoon in a big bowl. "Whatcha makin', Mama?"_

_Eileen turned and gave her inquisitive son a smile. "It's a cake, Sevvy, for your daddy's birthday." She showed him the thick chocolate batter._

" _Can I help?"_

_Eileen gave him an indulgent grin. "Here. Stir the batter four times." She held the bowl and let him have the spoon._

_He stirred, counting aloud._

" _Very good!" she praised. "Now, once I'm done, you can lick the bowl."_

_Her son beamed proudly up at her. He knew he was a good helper and he loved getting the first taste of the rich batter . . ._

Unconsciously, he found himself licking his lips. He could almost taste the chocolate; the cake was still his favorite.

More memories followed.

_Eileen showing him how to grind up lavender in a mortar, stirring a potion counterclockwise, then decanting it. "Good job, Sevvy, you're a natural!"_

_Getting scolded and sent to the corner for trying to brew without waiting for her . . ._

_Crying into her robes after being knocked down by Tobias and snarled at for acting like a coward crybaby . . ._

_Running into her bedroom after a particularly scary dream and finding her holding an ice pack to her bruised chin. "Sevvy, what's wrong?"_

" _I . . . had a scary dream, Mama," he sniffled, crawling into her lap. "What happened to your face?"_

" _I fell down, baby, but it'll be all right. Want to tell me about your dream?"_

_He nodded, but even then had known something wasn't right . . ._

He had been around six or seven at the time, and hadn't realized what had been going on, but soon he would recognize the signs and bear witness to her misery at the hands of his father . . .

" _Tobias, leave him alone! He's a child, he can't control himself, it's accidental magic . . . I've told you before . . ." she argued with his furious father._

" _Don't give me that bullshit, Eileen! Now you're teaching him those bloody illusionist tricks . . . I won't have it!"_

" _You cannot stop it," she returned sharply. "It's natural for a wizard, especially a strong one, to display bursts of power."_

" _No! If he won't stop, then I'll make him stop . . ." Tobias growled, fists clenching._

_Eileen stood her ground. "You'll not hurt him, Tobias! He's a little boy!"_

" _He's a disrespectful snot!" roared her husband, his hand lifting._

_Small Severus huddled in a corner of the kitchen, sobbing. "No, Daddy! Don't hurt Mama! Don't!"_

Shuddering, he sent that memory back to sleep with his iron will. She had suffered much for her defiance, and for a time things would be normal again, and Severus could pretend his dad loved him, if only a little, and there would be plenty of food on the table and he wouldn't go to bed hungry. But then Tobias' lucky streak would fade and he would go back to doing lines and become vicious and mean, sneering and giving his son the back of his hand. And so the vicious cycle continued.

_Coming home from primary school to find her battered and lying on the couch with a cold cloth over her eyes. "Mama . . . why do you let him do it? Why don't you just hex him to pieces?"_

" _Oh, Sev, I couldn't do that. I promised . . . there are laws against hexing a Muggle, you know . . ." she murmured wearily. "He . . . doesn't know what he's doing . . .the drugs bring out the worst in him . . ."_

" _I wish he'd drop dead!"_

" _Severus, he's your father . . ."_

" _So what? I hate him, look what he's doing to you!"_

" _Shhh . . . he's not in his right mind . . . half the time he doesn't even remember what he did until I remind him. He's sick, Sevvy . . ."_

" _He needs to be locked up like a mad dog!" her son spat. "Why don't you just leave him?"_

_She shook her head sadly. "He wasn't always this way. He needs me to help him find the way back . . . I need to try harder . . ."_

But she had been blinded by hope and love, caught in the endless loop of regret and compassion for a man who no longer deserved such things. She would try and for a time he would comply, until the next big game of chance down at the pub. For a time Severus would hope things could be different, that his father had turned over a new leaf and gotten free of the poison powder, but then Tobias would explode into violence, leaving his family torn apart in mind and body.

Going to Hogwarts had been a blessing at first, a way to get away and be free, to no longer hide his magic, a place where he could be accepted. Only to find that shades of his father lurked there too, and he became a kind of outcast, the target of bullies, his haven become a misery.

" _I'm not going back!" he had cried angrily, hiding his face in his pillow the night before his second year._

" _Why, Sev? I thought you loved Hogwarts?"_

" _Not anymore."_

" _Can you tell me why?" she asked softly, stroking his hair._

" _I have no friends, except Lily. Everyone tells me Slytherins can't be friends with Gryffindors."_

" _Severus, that's not true! I had friends from other houses at school . . ."_

" _Well, things are different now . . . and then there's these stupid boneheads called the Marauders . . ." He hadn't meant to tell her that, but he had never been able to hide anything from her._

_Upon learning about the bullying, she had gone pale and her eyes had flashed with blue lightning. "I shall be speaking with the Headmaster about this. No son of mine should be treated so. Those boys need a lesson in manners!"_

She had done as she had promised, but her efforts were doomed to failure. For a time, the Marauders behaved, leaving him be, but like Tobias, they were soon back to their old ways.

Severus refused to speak of it again, he didn't want Eileen to feel bad, and it did no good anyway. His only solace was brewing and Lily Evans.

_Fat snowflakes drifted from the sky, coating everything with a pristine layer of winter white snow, but inside the Snape residence all was warm and toasty as Eileen helped Severus and Lily decorate the Christmas tree. They hung homemade ornaments and ones that Eileen had inherited from her parents and strung cranberries and popcorn along with twinkling lights all over. Fifteen-year-old Severus put the star on top, because he was the only one tall enough to do so without help._

_Then they sang Christmas carols and drank cups of spiced eggnog and ate gingerbread. There was laughter and merriment and Eileen's smile lit up the room, it was a rare time of joy and peace._

Severus recalled the wonderful self-stirring cauldron and Advanced Potions text he'd gotten that year. He wondered how on earth Eileen had afforded it, but all she said was that God had provided. It was only years later that he discovered she had pawned her wedding ring.

He had been there the night of the ceremony when Eileen had won the prestigious Best Brewer and Inventor in Britain award.

_Severus watched as the Head of the Brewers Association put the golden chasuble around Eileen's neck, the chasuble had an embroidered cauldron and a wand on it, plus a gold pin. There was also a framed certificate and a cash prize of 400 Galleons._

_Severus had felt so proud he wanted to burst, and he had stood up and applauded as soon as the award was given. His mother had looked radiant, her hair was woven in a crown of braids, and her smile lit up the room. It matched his own, as he celebrated his brilliant mother, the best brewer in Britain._

But after that triumph came dark days, where Tobias gambled away every penny he made, or spent it on drugs. At year's end, Severus was the victim of a cruel joke by the Marauders, causing him to be humiliated and quarrel with Lily. When he had tried to apologize, she had rejected him, totally devastating him in the process. That summer had been bad, he had been depressed and moody, wishing he had a gun to shoot Tobias, the worthless sod, and then himself. But Eileen had comforted him as best she could. . .

_There was little Eileen could do to patch things up between her son and her husband, both were too stubborn and had written the other off long ago. But she could and did offer comfort to her son in regards to his broken heart and friendship with Lily._

" _Sev, if you've apologized for your behavior and repented of your temper and your sharp tongue, there is little you can do if she insists on holding to bitterness and anger. It sounds as though she has allowed her housemates to influence her, and no longer wants your friendship. A shame, because you were so good together. I will miss her, Sev, and I know you will. But you mustn't blame yourself. Forgiveness must come from within, and if she cannot forgive you for a moment of anger, that's her loss, not yours."_

_He had protested, of course, saying he deserved her anger._

" _No. You made a mistake and allowed your temper to speak for you, but a true friend forgives, because she knows that one day the same might happen to her, for no one is perfect, and she would wish you to forgive her when that day comes. To err is human, to forgive divine. Perhaps one day she will learn that lesson, and realize what she threw away."_

_She had hugged him then, and he had found a kind of comfort in her embrace, despite the ache in his heart._

The summer of sorrows continued, culminating in the death of his father from an overdose, Eileen had found him dead in the garage. Eileen had been inconsolable, and Severus feared for her, she blamed herself for not keeping a better watch on Tobias.

_The day of the funeral dawned dank and cold, with a misty drizzle that highlighted the mood perfectly._

_Severus stood next to Eileen, one arm draped about her shoulder. He could not bring himself to mourn the man who had torn his family to shreds. He felt nothing for his late father but contempt and a cold hatred. What a waste! He thought, hugging Eileen close. Damn you, Dad! Even in death you manage to fuck things up. He hated his father, not only for what he had done to his son, but for what he had done to his wife. He had hurt her while he was alive, and even in death he hurt her still._

_He glowered down at the open grave, wanting to tell Eileen they were better off without the bloody bastard now, but knowing that was the last thing she wanted to hear. So he said nothing and just held her, letting her cry on his shoulder as she had done for him._

_He found his eyes misty with tears, though his sorrow was not for Tobias, for even now he could not bring himself to forgive the man, but for his mother._

Severus drew a hand across his eyes, wiping away the sudden tears. For a year afterwards things had been good for them. Eileen had been so proud when he had garnered the highest OWL scores in potions ever at Hogwarts. She had finally stopped mourning Tobias and what could have been and continued to brew, working independently for St. Mungos and several apothecaries in the area. Her expertise was in high demand and for the first time in a very long time they had extra money in the bank and some to put away for Severus to attend the Academy of Potioneers in Oxford.

Except for Lily still refusing to speak with him, and being propositioned to join the pureblood supremacist set, Severus counted it a good year. If only things could have stayed the way they were.

_The change came gradually, with little things. At first Severus teased her when they went to the supermarket and Eileen would stand there, pondering what she wanted from the produce aisle. "What's wrong, Mum?"_

" _You know, Sev, I forgot for a moment what I wanted," she admitted, chuckling. "I'm such a silly goose!"_

" _Must be getting old, huh?" he teased, smirking._

" _Old? I'll show you old, you cheeky brat!" she mock-growled, and cuffed him playfully across the back of the head. She was only thirty-six._

_He hadn't thought anything of it, everyone had memory lapses from time to time. And if she happened to oversleep for work, he always reminded her. As a joke, he bought her an alarm clock for her birthday, among other things. She laughed when she opened it._

_But gradually her memory started to get worse, she had to keep lists all the time of things she wanted to do around the house or shop for, and she consulted potions texts for brewing as if she were a student again and not the top of her field._

_It scared Severus, who begged her to see a Healer and get checked out. A brewer of her caliber couldn't afford to be forgetting things in the middle of a draft._

" _It's probably nothing to be concerned about, Sev. Just one of those momentary lapses." She had told him, attempting to be positive._

_But it wasn't a simple thing at all. The Healer, after doing various diagnostic tests, diagnosed her with a rare disease that slowly stole away her memory. "Muggles have a similar disease, called Alzheimer's, this is the wizard version of it."_

" _Can't you use Memory Restoratives?" was Severus' first question._

" _Yes, for a time. But it's a progressive disease, eventually she will forget even her own name."_

" _There's nothing you can do to arrest it?"_

" _Nothing. I've seen it before. My uncle had it. I'm sorry." The Healer said compassionately._

_But Severus refused to accept that. There had to be something to help. And even if there wasn't, he would invent a potion to stop the terrible disease. "How long before . . .?"_

" _It varies depending on the person. Most last a year or two before the disease makes them forget everything they ever knew. Does your mother live alone?"_

" _Yes. When I'm in school."_

" _Might I suggest a house elf to help her if she needs it?"_

" _My mother lives in a mostly Muggle neighborhood."_

" _Ivy is very discreet."_

_Severus spoke with Eileen, saying he thought a house elf might keep her company and assist her while he was gone. She reluctantly agreed and Ivy moved in._

He spent the rest of that summer doing tons of research. Medically there wasn't much on the disease, but he looked into Memory Restoratives and how to make them stronger and last longer. He tried dozens of experiments, some worked and some didn't. He gave her the improved Memory Restorative before leaving on the Hogwart's Express. He hoped it would hold her until he came home for the holidays.

Eileen seemed to be doing fine, but the Healer said it was only a matter of time.

He became seventeen that January, a legal adult in the eyes of the wizarding world. In March, Eileen took a turn for the worse. She went out for a small walk and became confused and lost in the neighborhood, almost being run over by a passing motorist. A kindly neighbor had brought her back home and stayed with her while the unseen Ivy called Severus and told him what had occurred.

Severus got permission to come home and get Eileen settled, assuring the neighbor he would hire a caregiver and thanking her for helping Eileen. Healer Devon suggested a private room in St. Mungos.

_Severus had been horrified. Lock up his mother like a crazy animal? "I can't! I can't do that!"_

" _Son, next time she could wander off and get killed."_

" _Ivy can watch her closely. After an hour she was all right."_

" _This time. But what about next time? The episodes are becoming more and more frequent. You're still in school, you can't be with her twenty-four hours a day. Putting her in St. Mungos would be the kindest thing you could do for her."_

" _No. I don't have the authority anyhow."_

" _Yes, you do. You're seventeen, Mr. Snape, and a legal adult. Please, I know it's hard, but just consider it."_

He returned to school, after giving strict instructions to Ivy, haunted by the choices before him. He spoke to no one about Eileen's condition, there was nothing anyone could do to help, and he didn't want anybody's pity. He would get through this, just like he had everything else.

But finally the Memory Restoratives stopped working and Eileen slipped further and further away into a shadowy gray world. It broke Severus' heart, but he finally agreed to place Eileen in a private ward in the hospital, where she would have round the clock care from professionals while he finished school. He had considered leaving early, but Eileen in one of her rare lucid periods forbade it.

" _You shall finish school, Severus. I will not have you quitting because of me. I am perfectly fine here, Marta and Allison are very kind, and we take walks in the garden on Tuesdays and they help me brew on Wednesdays. I enjoy it and you are going to go back to school and take your NEWTS and make me proud, Severus."_

He did as she ordered, but it was hard. Not a day went by that he didn't think of her and worry. He wrote dozens of letters to Healer Devon and her nurses. He sat for his NEWTS and scored very high in potions and Defense. As soon as he had the results, he went to see Eileen to share them with her. Only to find that she had turned another corner.

" _Hello, Mum. How are you feeling today? I brought you something. Take a look at this." He walked forward, holding his NEWT scores in his hand._

_Eileen was sitting in a chair, dressed in a comfortable pair of green slacks and a matching tunic, wearing her familiar black robes with the chasuble around her neck._

_His breath caught at the sight of the chasuble, and his heart contracted remembering her as she had been when she had won that award. Now she was but a shadow of herself._

_She gazed up at him, her dark eyes confused and clouded. "Do I know you?" She asked, her voice quavering slightly. "Are you new here? Why didn't Marta introduce you? Have you been here before?"_

_Severus felt all the air woosh out of his lungs, as if he'd taken a blow to the solar plexus. He struggled to breathe, dread stabbing him like a spear. Could it be that she didn't know him?_

" _Mum, it's me. Severus. Your son," he said, desperation edging his tone. Surely she couldn't have forgotten him!_

_She blinked. "I . . . who are you? Do I know you?"_

" _Of course you do, Mum. It's Severus, your son. Try and remember, Mum. Try real hard." There was a sickening feeling in his gut. He began listing things they liked to do together, hoping something would jog her memory._

_Suddenly she sat up straight. "Do you know, I haven't seen my husband at all today? He must be working. Do you know where Tobias is?"_

_Severus felt as if a giant had stomped him flat. Hearing her say those words hurt worse than a dozen Cruciatus Curses. She remembered Tobias, the bloody bastard, and not her son! How could she remember the bastard who had made her life hell and forget about her son, who loved her more than anything?_

_He ran to her then, kneeling at the side of her chair, grasping her hand in his. "Please, Mama, please!" he gasped, his chest felt as if it were being squeezed by a giant fist, reverting back to the old form of address. "You_ _**have** _ _to remember! You can't have forgotten me! It's Severus, Mama. You used to call me Sevvy! Remember Sevvy?"_

_He stared up into her eyes, desperately searching for some spark of recognition. But there was nothing._

_Eileen smiled dreamily. "You're such a nice boy to come visit. I think . . . I knew another boy once . . . long ago . . ."_

" _Yes! That was me. I came to visit all the time. We would look at potion magazines and eat blueberry scones and drink tea. Do you remember now?"_

" _I like tea. It tastes good." She patted his cheek. "Such a handsome lad. Like my husband. Do you know where he is?"_

_Severus felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. "He's dead and gone!" he snapped harshly. "Why do you remember him and not me, Mama? He never loved you like you deserved, but I do! Why can't you remember_ **me** _?"_

" _He'll be back soon, won't he?" she continued, oblivious to the way she was tearing him to pieces with every word she spoke._

_Frantic to make her remember, he cast Legilimens on her, trying to find a stray memory of himself so he could show her. But her memories were fragmented, incomplete things, bits and pieces and he could not make sense of them and neither could she. He could feel himself start to lose control, to be drawn into the maelstrom of gray and white shadows, and he withdrew with a soft cry of denial._

_Eileen was slowly losing herself and there was nothing he could do._

" _Come back to me!" he whispered, his voice breaking. "Please come back!"_

_Eileen looked at him, puzzled. "But I'm right here, dear. I haven't gone anywhere."_

" _Yes, you have. You've gone where I cannot follow," he murmured. Then he put his head down on her lap and cried._

_He felt her hand stroking his head. "There, there, poor boy! Don't cry. Are you lost?"_

_The words were sincere, but he knew she didn't know him, they were the kind of words one speaks to a stranger. He sobbed wretchedly, for he had lost the one person that mattered, and he knew she would never come back to him._

Severus drew in a deep breath and dashed the tears from his face. He hated remembering that horrible moment, but he couldn't stop recalling it either, no matter how much it hurt.

_After that, he visited every week, and every week he would hope she remembered him, but her nurses shook their heads and said there was no change. She was forgetting even them now, though they were with her everyday._

_It was torture watching her slowly deteriorate, but Severus never stopped coming. Even when she kept treating him like a stranger he came and talked to her, telling her about his exams and how Lily had stupidly started dating James Potter. Talking to her gave him a small measure of peace._

_She lasted long enough for him to finish school and come to show her his diploma and final marks. He had applied to the Academy and been accepted early due to his outstanding NEWTS._

" _How wonderful, my dear! Your mama must be so proud!"_

" _Yes. She is," he said sadly._

_She had developed a cough, and her breathing was heavy, it didn't seem to be responding to any conventional potions. She grew weaker and weaker, despite all the Healers tried to do. Severus remained by her side constantly. He took over trying to feed her and bathing her face and neck to try and bring down her fever. He spooned cordials into her as best he could, stroking her throat until she swallowed, for she had almost forgotten that as well._

_Then he talked to her, reminding her of all the things she had loved and the good times they had shared. He talked more to her then than he had in all of his seventeen years of life, as if he were making up for lost time._

_Half the time she was silent, studying him, or lost in some fragmented memory. But occasionally she would smile or chuckle, as if he'd said something funny. Once or twice she cried and a few times she would glare at him and scold sharply, "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, never keep the fire too hot, the potion will burn!" or "Next time squish the sopophorus bean, it'll get more juice out. Do you think I don't know how to brew this draft?"_

_Whatever she said, he agreed with, he even apologized for brewing the nameless potion wrong. He tried to keep her calm, for when she grew agitated, so did her cough._

_Finally, she grew too weak to talk and just lay there, looking at him._

_He held her hand, knowing the end was coming soon._

_A part of him railed at the unfairness of it all, that she should be robbed of her life when she just had the chance to truly live. But another part knew that she deserved peace, that she would not want to live out her days a mindless ragdoll of a person._

" _I love you, Mum," he whispered then, and gently kissed her dry cheek._

_When he pulled back to look into her eyes, he saw a sudden clarity in them that had not been there for months. His breath caught._

_Slowly her hand closed about his, her grip delicate as a dove perching. "I remember you. I love you, Severus."_

_His heart began beating crazily. Maybe there was a chance she might get well._

_But an instant later, the clarity was gone. Her eyes shut and she slipped into a coma._

_He knew then she had come back just to say goodbye._

_She never regained consciousness. He remained holding her hand, listening to her breath raggedly, until the raspy hush ceased, filling the room with silence._

Severus blinked, coming back to himself. He still remembered the dual feelings of sorrow and relief he had felt, sorrow because he had lost her forever, and relief that her suffering was ended. He was glad she had not lived to see him give into despair and walk a ways down the dark path before coming back to his senses. It would have grieved her greatly.

He smiled sadly and told her of his familiar, the raven Skullduggery, whom he was sure would have made her laugh with his sarcastic wit. "You would have liked him. And now I am no longer alone."

He stood, stretching. "Well, it's another year. I need to be going; another old friend is waiting for me to pay my respects. Rest in peace."

Turning, he made his way out of the row and up several more, until he came to the grave of his old mentor from the Academy.


	2. A True Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus visits the grave of his old mentor, Joe Madley, Master Potioneer and a true friend whom he regarded as the father he wished he had.

**2**

**A True Friend**

Severus waved his wand and all of the potted plants surround the headstone were filled with new spring flowers. There were several momentos upon the grave as well—a picture, a small lantern, a child's handmade drawing that said _#1 Grandpa_ , his mentor had been well loved by his family. Severus' eyes went to the headstone, where the following epitaph was inscribed.

_Professor Joseph Anthony Madley_

_March 16 1876-December 10, 1986_

_Beloved Father, Husband, and Teacher_

_"There is nothing like the subtle science of potions"_

Severus smiled as he read the quote, which had been one of the professor's favorite sayings. The wizard had been a brilliant potion maker, but even more, he also had been a true friend at a time when Severus had needed one desperately. Madley had not only known his way into and out of a cauldron but also the inner workings of the human heart.

"Hello, Joe. It's a beautiful day this afternoon," Severus greeted his old friend.

He could still hear Joe's voice asking, "Well, is it a beautiful day today, Severus?" to see if he had been paying attention to anything save his potions.

He sat down on the grass and gazed at the headstone, letting the memories sweep him back in time . . .

_Professor Madley taught Experimental Potions and also Advanced Magical Theory. According to the older students Severus spoke to, Madley was like a fixture at the Academy. He had been teaching for almost 50 years and some said he had been teaching since the Academy opened. That was an exaggeration, but Madley was exceedingly respected among his colleagues and most of the students as well. Some groused and grumbled over how strict he was and how exacting, but Severus figured he wouldn't let that bother him. He wanted to be the top of his field and studying with Madley would put him there._

_Madley had patented many Healing potions, including Dreamless Sleep, and Severus was eager to study under the famous professor._

_As he entered the classroom that morning, the first thing he noticed were the protective goggles and masks at each workstation. The second thing was the professor himself. Joe was of average height, with seal brown hair and a short trimmed beard. He wore_ _silver robes trimmed with azure blue and tall runecovered boots. He nodded pleasantly at Severus, who was the first to arrive, and_ _told him to take a seat._

_Once all the other students had filed in, Professor Madley rose and came to stand in the middle of the room. "As you all probably know, I am Professor Madley. I teach Experimental Potions and also Advanced Magical Theory, both of which you will need to pass in order to earn your Mastery. Since you are all sitting here before me, I know that you all share the same passion for brewing and concocting solutions. This class is intended to take you beyond the standard potions taught at Hogwarts and guide you to invent and brew your own original drafts. The true mark of a Master or Mistress in this field is innovation. Any idiot with half a brain can memorize a recipe. But only a master or mistress of the craft can take what has been done and make something new. I will be encouraging you to use your creativity and your intellect, this is not a class where you can get by using someone else's notes or copying off their exam" His eyes narrowed into two dark blue slits. "Anyone who does anything like that will find their backside booted out of my classroom and this institution quicker than you can say asphodel. Literally and personally. And no, I don't care who your ancestors were. They will not save you from your own foolishness." He rapped a hand down on a desk, making the student jump. "So . . . don't cheat!"_

_Severus listened attentively and took notes during the two hour lecture, underlining points in his text book as well. Madley was thorough and to the point, clearly not standing for any kind of nonsense. Severus liked that about him. So many of his professors at Hogwarts had played favorites with certain students it had rather soured him and made him wonder if any teacher actually treated all students fairly._

_When the lecture had ended, Severus rose, and began putting his books in his bag. He had about fifteen minutes before his next class._

_"Mr. Snape? I'd like a word with you, if I may?"_

_Severus looked up. "Yes, sir?" he was a bit nervous, though he knew he'd done nothing wrong._

_To his surprise, the professor smiled. "Relax, boy. I don't bite . . . unless you've really annoyed the blazes out of me. I . . . would like to offer you my sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother. I knew Eileen well, she was one of my most gifted students. I always knew she would go far. From your marks, I would say you will too, you clearly have inherited her skill with a cauldron and then some."_

_"Thank you, sir." He was astonished to see real sorrow in the older wizard's eyes, not just sympathy. Professor Madley was the first one to have offered him condolences on his loss, his Hogwarts professors had not even sent sympathy cards. Then again, perhaps they had not read the obituary in the Prophet two days ago._

_Professor Madley cleared his throat. "You are welcome, Mr. Snape. If you ever feel the need to . . . discuss your mother, please know that I am always available. I know how difficult it can be to lose a loved one."_

_Severus was struck dumb and could only nod. "Um . . . I need to be going. I have Rare Ingredients next."_

_"Do you know how to get to it?"_

_"I think so." The Academy had provided a map, but Severus hadn't really glanced at it yet._

_"Go down this corridor to the right, take the stairs down one flight, it's the first door on the left."_

_"Thank you again, sir." Severus called before leaving the classroom._

At first Severus hadn't totally trusted the man, he had been betrayed by too many professors during his Hogwarts years, especially by the Headmaster, who had looked the other way when the Marauders bullied him, even when he had almost been bitten by Lupin. He also had no wish to share his grief with a stranger.

"But you taught me that not all professors are of a piece during that first month, when you defended me from Gibbons," Severus murmured, half to himself. He remembered that incident like it was yesterday.

_Severus had been at the Academy a month, and studying hard. He had no time for socializing or a wish to either. He was still numb with grief over his mother dying and the only solace he had was brewing, brewing, and more brewing. He disliked going to pubs, he had vowed long ago to never be his father, and he was awkward around girls ever since Lily had rejected him. And drinking and picking up girls were the main pastimes of the young Academy students. Some of the other young men had tried to get him to come with them on trips to town, but he had refused them all._

_A few of the more obnoxious purebloods had taken to calling him Snape the Stiff and the Solitary Wonder. Severus sneered at them and ignored them. At least they weren't trying to hex him and he'd been called worse. All he wanted was to be left alone to complete his assignments and study._

_Because of his obsessive studying and dedication, he was consistently at the top of his class. That impressed his professors, especially Madley, who had never had a student with such a drive to succeed before._

_That day, all the students were to brew a Draught of Living Death—one of the hardest potions to brew—and then brew a draft of their own making that was similar._

_Severus had already brewed the Draught of Living Death twice, so he had no trouble doing it a third time. In fact, he was the only one who brewed a faultless draft._

_"Well done, Mr. Snape." Madley praised. "The rest of you, look to Snape's example of a flawlessly brewed draft. It can be done . . . if you pay attention and concentrate on your work."_

_"Yeah, and if you're the teacher's pet." Gibbons sneered, glaring at Severus._

_Severus stiffened, but before he could respond to the taunt, his teacher did._

_"Excuse me, Mr. Gibbons?" Madley demanded icily. "Are you accusing me of favoritism? Because I assure you, I favor no student. Mr. Snape gets by on his own merit, as should all of you. If you are jealous of his performance, Gibbons, you can remedy that by studying and spending extra time brewing, rather than getting drunk down at the pub with your mates and scribbling down some half-baked solution the hour before class."_

_Gibbons' mouth hung open. "How did . . . I mean . . ."_

_"Yeah, Gib! He's got you there!" hooted another student._

_"I am neither deaf, dumb, or blind," returned Madley crisply. "I know exactly what it takes to succeed in my class and you, Gibbons, have displayed the ambition of a flobberworm. I suggest you start studying and quit partying, otherwise your career at this institution might very well be cut short. And accusing Mr. Snape of currying favor not only insults me, but yourself as well.I would suggest you watch what you say, Mr. Gibbons. Clear?"_

_Gibbons shrank back in his chair and muttered a soft, "Yes, Professor Madley."_

_Severus couldn't believe how Madley had defended him. No teacher he had ever had had done so. He couldn't fathom why his professor had bothered._

_When class ended, Gibbons muttered out of the side of his mouth as he walked by, "You'll get yours, Snape! Just wait!"_

_Severus ignored him. He wasn't going to allow some lazy idiot to interfere with his work. But he did have a question for his professor. He waited until everyone else had left before he asked Joe, "Professor, why did you do that? You didn't have to interfere, sir. It's not like I haven't heard it before."_

_"That doesn't make it right, Mr. Snape," his teacher answered. "Besides, I cannot abide idiots who blame others for their own mistakes and expect to go through life making one excuse after another for their own asinine behavior. You have worked hard to get where you are, and I see no reason why you should let some spoiled lazy boy put you down."_

_Severus shrugged. "I've heard worse."_

_"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't stand up for yourself, Mr. Snape. You're as good as any of them," Madley said quietly._

_"I'm a half-blood who got in here because of my grades and a scholarship," Severus remarked softly._

_"So? You should be proud of yourself for that, Mr. Snape. You earned your place here, you didn't have it handed to you because your daddy knew somebody on the Board of Governors. You know what it means to work, and work hard, and in the end you will be better off than any of those so-called "blue bloods". I know, for once I was just like you." Then he clapped Severus on the shoulder and told him to get to class._

_Severus obeyed, and for the first time in a long time he felt proud of himself._

Severus smiled when he recalled that moment. Thanks to his mentor, he had managed to gain back some of his self-esteem. "Joe, you believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, when I thought it was my lot to endure the taunts of dunderheads."

He remembered a night when he had been brewing late in the lab next to Madley's office, trying to perfect an Allergy Draft, when trouble came calling . . .

_Severus was at the crucial steeping stage of the potion when he heard an odd noise coming from the front of the lab. He looked up and saw Gibbons and two of his friends standing there, grinning insolently, their wands drawn._

_"Oi, teacher's pet! Not so brave now that old Madley isn't around, are ya?" laughed Gibbons nastily._

_Severus felt a chill creep up his spine. This had shades of the Marauders all over it. He snapped his wrist and his own wand fell into his hand. "Get lost, Gibbons," he snapped. "I'm busy." He pretended to turn back to his cauldron, but he was poised to fight. He cast a ward over the cauldron silently, not wanting all his hours of work ruined._

_"Oooh! He's busy, eh? Busy kissing old Madley's ass!" brayed one of Gibbons' companions. He nudged the other boy and laughed loudly._

_"Funny," sneered Severus. "Now why don't you and your little friends go play in traffic, bumblefucker?"_

_"First we're going to play with you, Snape!" threatened Gibbons, lifting his wand._

_But before he could speak a word, Severus snarled, "Expelliarmus!"_

_Gibbons' wand was blasted from his hand and the shocked wizard stood there gaping before Severus put magical restraints on him._

_"Hope you have money for a good barrister, because I'm going to sue your sorry ass," Severus told him. Then he spun on the others._

_But he wasn't quite fast enough._

_A beefy wizard sent a Stunning hex at him and Severus was forced to duck quickly, nearly singing himself on his cauldron._

_A second later another hex was shot at him, luckily it bounced off the cauldron as it was poorly aimed._

_Before he could return fire, the door slammed open and a tall figure in silver robes stood in the entryway. Madley asked no questions, but subdued the two miscreants with a Befuddlement and a Stunning hex. His face was like a thundercloud and he growled, "You pathetic cowards! You've just earned yourselves a one way trip out of this Academy!"_

_He then looked at Severus. "Mr. Snape, are you injured?"_

_"No, sir. I'm all right," Severus said, standing up._

_"Good. Don't trouble yourself about these malingerers. I'll settle with them," the professor said grimly. "Assaulting a fellow student without cause is grounds for expulsion."_

_Severus' jaw dropped. "You . . . you really would expel them?"_

_"Absolutely. I heard everything they said from in my office. They are a disgrace to this academy and do not deserve the privilege of studying here. They behaved no better than hoodlums and such people belong with trash on the street."_

_"I know, sir. It's just . . ."_

_"Why so surprised, Mr. Snape? I believe in justice and these three have flouted the rules for the last time."_

_"You're the first person who has ever . . . stood up for me before," Severus found himself saying. "When I was at Hogwarts . . ." he told Madley about his ongoing war with the Marauders._

_"Humph! Well, Mr. Snape, you're not at Hogwarts any more, and here we believe in honor and integrity. These little buggers have none, if they think resorting to assaulting a fellow student is acceptable. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to inform Headmaster Terelli about this. Tomorrow, if you're up early enough, you'll see them get booted out the doors."_

_"Good riddance!"_

_"Indeed." Madley smirked and then he spoke a spell that dragged all three of Severus' assailants out the door behind him._

Joe Madley was as good as his word. The three were expelled and literally kicked out the door on their asses by Madley, Terelli, and another professor, and blacklisted from the academy. Their families tried to cry that it was unfair, but Madley's name was a byword for honesty in the community, and he defended Severus stoutly. In the end, they gave up.

But that was the beginning step on the pathway of a long lived friendship between the old potions professor and his brilliant tormented student.

Despite Madley's support, Severus felt he was still despised by the majority of his classmates. Many of those attending the Academy were contemporaries of Gibbons and the pureblood set, and they detested the fact that a mere half-blood like Severus had managed to get the three expelled, even though they had been breaking rules and it was Madley who pushed for expulsion, not Severus. None of those remaining had the guts to buck the system, but they could and did start rumors about Severus being a bootlicking Slytherin, a coward who needed a teacher to defend him, and other nasty things.

Before long, Severus was as much an outcast as he'd ever been at Hogwarts when he was persecuted by the Marauders. He tried to pretend he didn't care, but the callus way people believed the lies being told cut him deeply.

No one wanted to hear the truth, or hear his side of anything. He was condemned by default and not even Madley's support could bring him out of the depression he had sunk into.

Had that been the only obstacle facing him, he might have been able to deal with it, but then came the anniversary of his mother's death and also the news that Lily had wed James. Severus had known that was coming, so he should have expected it, and he did, but a part of him had hoped Lily might come to her senses, or at least forgive him for that long ago incident. He had received a condolence card from her, but it was brief and lacked the personal touch it should have had considering Lily had been his best friend and known Eileen since childhood.

Even worse was an article in Wizarding Life and Times magazine where Lily lauded her husband for keeping her from making a bad mistake with regard to friends while in school. His name was not mentioned, nevertheless Severus knew whom she was talking about. It cut him to the bone. Had that been all he was to her? A mistake? All of the good times they'd shared and everything he had done for her and she called it a mistake? It had to be Potter's influence. Nothing had gone right between them since she had started listening to Potter's opinions.

And she had refused to listen to him when he tried to explain how the only way to survive the Death Eater faction in his house had been to pretend agreement with them. Otherwise they would have hexed him into oblivion, they already held him in contempt because he was a half-blood. More open defiance would have meant serious bodily harm. So he'd pretended, enough to convince them he was sincere. His plan had always been to pretend until he finished school and then do what he bloody well pleased.

But he'd never gotten a chance to explain and then had come the lake incident, and his chance had been lost forever. Now, after reading the article, he experienced a moment of bitterness and anger. _Of all those you might have chosen, Lily, why him? What in hell do you see in a guy that for years tormented me because he felt like it? How can you trust such a man? How could you find it so easy to condemn me for a single moment of anger and yet not him for all the horrible things he did to me? How can you forgive him and not me?_ He crumpled up the magazine and tossed it into the fire. _So be it. You've made your bed, Lily, and now you can lie in it. I'll bet you and Potter had a grand old time beneath the sheets, mocking my stupidity in thinking I had a chance of being together with you. I'm such a fool! Even now, when I should hate you, I can't. Like my mother, I've given my heart to someone who will never love me back._

_Those had been dark days, days when it was all he could do to get through his classes, yet he continued to perform up to his usual standards through sheer determination. But inside he was cut and bleeding and no one saw through his iron façade to help him. Eileen would have known something was troubling him, but Eileen was gone and he had no one to confide in. Not even Madley. Madley would think he was a coward._

Severus coughed and wiped a sleeve across his forehead, for it was very warm now as the morning became afternoon. He didn't like to dwell on those days, the days of crushing despair, when he had been vulnerable enough to believe the lies of a clever madman, and desperate to belong somewhere people didn't despise him. Or at least he didn't think they did.

It was then he had made the choice to join Lucius and the Death Eaters.

Once he had done so, some of his depression eased, and he became more relaxed.

_A month later, Joe took Severus as his personal apprentice, and invited the young man over his house for Sunday dinner. That was the first of many times Severus would be invited to the Madley residence to eat with the professor and his family, which consisted of his daughter Jocelyn, called Jaycee, a Healer, her husband Tim, and her brother David._

_Severus was astonished to be made welcome by his mentor's family. Here he was, a virtual stranger, just one of their father's students, and yet they treated him with courtesy and respect. He spent hours debating with Jaycee about the way certain potions might work on the human body and what might be done to improve the absorption of certain ingredients. David happily discussed charms of various kinds with him and Tim was an herbologist._

_They had some very lively discussions over tea and cakes or dinner. Sometimes they could become rather heated, but Severus soon learned that the Madleys enjoyed the arguments and held no anger towards each other. It was a far cry from his family._

_He said as much to Professor Madley one day. "Sir, I . . . have a question for you."_

_"Indeed? Let's have it then."_

_"I . . . I was just wondering, sir, if . . . if you treat all your apprentices like me?"_

_"In what way, Severus?"_

_"You invited me over your house for dinner and you also had me meet your family."_

_Joe raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong with that?"_

_"No . . .no . . . I really appreciate it," Severus said hastily. "I just wondered why."_

_"Why?" Joe asked softly. "Because I like you, Severus. You're not only a brilliant potion maker, but you have a curious brain too. You can hold a discussion with even my crazy quarrelsome lot of kids, and it's a shame to see you be alone. I know how hard it must be to lose your mother and there's no reason why I cannot invite you to be in my family. It's no good to brood and drown yourself in sorrow and regret, boy. It'll destroy you quicker than an Avada Kedavra, trust me on that. I noticed that you don't like most of the youngsters your age here, they're a snooty lot, as far as I'm concerned, and I wouldn't trust the lot of them as far as I could hex them. But you shouldn't be totally lacking in companionship your own age. Jaycee and Dave might be somewhat older than you, but they're not as ancient as I am." He chuckled. "I hope you don't think me presumptuous, because I didn't mean it that way. And in case you're wondering, I didn't tell my children to be friends with you, they like you because you're witty and smart and don't put on airs, even if you are the best brewer I've ever taught."_

_Severus gaped. "I . . . am?"_

_"Yes. You have a great talent, but even great talents must be worked with and practiced. That's what I'm here for. And someday, young Snape, you shall outperform me."_

_Severus shook his head. "Never."_

_Madley snorted. "Never say never, Snape. I know what I'm talking about, I've been teaching since before you were born. Someday you shall surpass me. **If** you continue to study hard and practice."_

_Severus thought Madley was mistaken, his mentor was one of the best potion makers in the world. But it did make him proud that his mentor believed that much in his ability. No one had ever been so nice to him since Eileen's death. He was truly grateful to Joe Madley._

Severus pulled out a small flask of firewhiskey and poured a libation onto Joe's grave. "Here's to you, old friend. For saving me from myself and giving me back a family."

It had been Joe who had convinced him to leave the Death Eaters after a year, not by condemning him, but by making him see that Voldemort was a liar, a liar who made false promises and threw away his followers when they were no longer useful to him.

_Actually, by then Severus didn't need too much convincing, he already felt guilty for keeping company with brutes and sadistic beasts, he had never believed in the Death Eater creed that might made right and purebloods were meant to rule. All he had wanted was to be safe from persecution and being with the Death Eaters ensured no one would touch him. He hadn't realized just how depraved and vicious they were until he saw Mulciber torture a Muggle woman because she was there and he was pissed off. Or Rosier drag a young girl off into the bushes to have his way with her._

_In fact, his first conflict with his fellow Death Eaters had involved Rosier trying to hurt yet another child—a boy this time. It had sickened Severus so much that he had to act. So he had, cursing Rosier till he begged for mercy and then setting the boy free by Auror Headquarters. That was all well and good, but it drove Rosier and Mulciber to revenge themselves on him. On the way to a Death Eater meeting, they ambushed him and used the Cruciatus curse multiple times until he passed out._

To this day, Severus never knew how he had managed to get from Malfoy Manor over to Madley's house, but somehow he managed to Apparate to the porch, where he lay like a dead man until David went to let the dog out because the shepherd was barking like crazy, and found him there.

_When he came to some fifteen minutes later, he found Jaycee hovering over him, casting a diagnostic. Her blue eyes were snapping with fury. "Those miserable bloody bastards! I'd like to . . . to break every bone in their bodies and step on them till they howl. Oh, how I hate them!"_

_Severus coughed softly and gazed at her in astonishment. Was this the same witch he had debated the merits of a Nerve Elixir with over Sunday dinner? Threatening to torture a dark wizard? Where had the gentle Healer gone and when had this virago taken her place? "Would you . . . really . . . Jaycee?"_

_"Severus, you're awake! Here, drink this," she held a vial to his lips. "It's Dad's Nerve Elixir. It'll help with the spasms and pain."_

_Once he had swallowed the icy draft he felt a little better. "I . . . can't see you harming anyone with your magic. First, do no harm," he quoted softly._

_"I'd make an exception just for them," she snorted, shoving her dark hair from her face. "You . . . you almost died, Severus. It was touch and go there and I nearly feared . . . I was too late." She blinked back tears._

_"Where am I?"_

_"In Dad's house, of course. I could have brought you to the hospital, but I was afraid any attempt to Floo or Apparate and you would die from shock. How do you feel?"_

_"Like I've been run over by a train." Severus answered honestly. "But then, from what you said, I'm lucky to still be alive."_

_"Death Eaters did this to you," she stated._

_"Yes." He saw no reason to deny it._

_"Rotten scumbags! They all belong in hell," she snarled._

_He flinched, thinking how she would despise him if she knew the truth. He glanced down to his left arm, and found it bandaged. He didn't remember getting hurt there. Obviously, she hadn't seen the mark. He couldn't figure out how she had missed it, Jaycee was a thorough Healer. "Have you . . . been here since I . . .?"_

_"I came as soon as Dad called me. He tried fixing you up first, then when he realized the damage was too much, he called me. Luckily I wasn't on call."_

_Severus let out a sigh of relief. So that was who had bandaged his arm. But that meant that Joe knew. He did not know what the older wizard would do. Probably turn him over to the Aurors. He knew Madley hated dark wizards. Still, there was nothing he could do now._

_He felt himself yawn as exhaustion swept over him._

_She eyed him knowingly. "Can you sit up a little and drink some water and eat a few spoonfuls of broth? You need liquids. Tim is brewing up a special strengthening tea for you. Once you drink a little you can sleep." She helped him sit up, propping him with pillows._

_He tried to hold the glass of water, but his hands trembled as if he had a palsy and Jaycee had to help him. Disgusted by what he had become, he hissed, "Better you'd left me out there."_

_"What? Don't be ridiculous! Left you to die like a dog in a ditch? Sev, you're like my little brother. And family doesn't abandon family. At least not in this house," Jaycee scolded. Her hands were cool on his forehead. "No fever, that's a good sign. You'll be a week recovering, though. But that's better than the alternative."_

_He managed to drink the full glass of water and eat half a cup of chicken broth before collapsing into slumber._

_When he had woken again, Joe was at his bedside, calmly paging through a copy of Potions Weekly. Severus looked up at him, and almost cringed. If he could have, he would have crawled away to hide in a dark corner._

_"Severus, you're awake! Would you like some water?"_

_Slowly, he nodded._

_Joe helped him sip the water through a straw, holding the glass steady while he drank. When he had enough, he weakly pushed the glass away._

_"Are you in pain? I have an Extra Strength Pain Reliever here if you need it."_

_"No," Severus replied hoarsely. "As long as I don't move too much."_

_"Best you lie still then. You can drink Tim's restorative tea later." Joe said kindly._

_Severus couldn't stand it. Madley was treating him as if he mattered, even after knowing what he was. "You know . . ." was all he said, knowing his mentor would understand what he meant._

_"I do." Joe said sadly, his eyes darting to Severus' bandaged arm._

_"Then why haven't you called the Aurors? Why do you still care when you know the truth?" he rasped, pain and shame intermingling in his tone._

_"Because I know you, Severus Snape. You're not a coldblooded killer, you don't hate Muggles and Muggleborns. You must have been hurting pretty bad to take up with the likes of them. Why, Severus? Why didn't you come to me for help?"_

_"There was nothing you could have done." Severus responded woodenly. "You couldn't bring my mother back. Or Lily either. Or make me less of an outcast."_

_"You never gave me a chance. I couldn't give you back Eileen, or the girl you cared for, but I could have given you my family in her stead. Was it better with Voldemort's people then?"_

_"No. I was a fool, but it's too late for regrets. Now I'm trapped."_

_"No, you're not. There's always a way out."_

_"Not for me."_

_"Bollocks! You might bear his brand, but you're none of his."_

_"How do you know that? I betrayed everything you believe in."_

_"Did you? How many times have you used an Unforgivable?"_

_"I . . . never."_

_"And why did they torture you? Because you were late for a meeting?"_

_"No, it was because I interfered when Rosier . . . he was going to rape a child . . ."_

_"And **that** is why I saved your sorry hide, boy. Because you had the courage to admit your mistake and come back. Besides, I am the last to pass judgment upon you. I have made my share of terrible mistakes. If you truly belonged to them, you never would have returned to me. You would have gone back to the Dark One and licked his boots. Instead here you are. Let me help you, Severus."_

_"How? I am beyond help."_

_"Nonsense! No one is beyond help if they wish it. You are young, boy, and one mistake should not brand you for life. We shall go to Dumbledore. He will know how to wrangle a pardon from the Ministry, he has more influence than I do now. Of course, he may ask something in return . . ."_

_"I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes. Thank you, sir."_

_"Anytime, son." Joe said, squeezing his hand gently. "Now, why don't you take some Dreamless Sleep and rest? You need to sleep in order to heal."_

It had taken Severus a week or two before he was back on his feet, and then he went with Joe to see Dumbledore. Dumbledore had been rather cold and condescending, asking Severus why he shouldn't be sent to Azkaban, until Madley told off the other wizard, reminding him that when Dumbledore was Severus' age, he had made a terrible choice too, and no one had locked him up because Joe's father had vouched for him.

Severus would never forget his mentor's words to the Headmaster.

_"You owe my family a great debt, Albus. Now I'm calling in my marker. Grant amnesty and pardon Severus and the debt shall be paid."_

_"But my debt is to you, not him."_

_"He is like my son, Albus Dumbledore. Do as I ask, and all debts are paid."_

It was then that Severus realized his mentor truly cared for him . . . and even loved him . . .like he had always wished Tobias would growing up.

Dumbledore had agreed.

But Severus felt he needed to do something more to exonerate himself and so agreed to be a spy for the Order.

Ironically, when he returned to Voldemort's side, the Dark Lord ordered him to spy on Dumbledore. Thus Severus became a double agent.

He continued to study at the Academy, becoming a top scholar, while ferreting information back and forth. He played a dangerous game, but throughout it all, Madley was with him, supporting him and keeping him from despair.

And never more so than when Severus delivered the partial prophecy to Voldemort, believing it to be little more than the drunken rambling of a fourth rate seer. He had not intended to reveal the prophecy at all to Voldemort, figuring it was probably false, but Voldemort had pressed him for any information he had gathered, and he had told him.

_At first the Dark Lord was not pleased. "Is that all you have for me, Snape? Surely there is something else you learned during your interview with Dumbledore?"_

_"Forgive me, my lord. But there was no time to talk at length, he had another interview with this witch who spoke of the prophecy."_

_"You expect me to believe this Trelawney's vision? I know she plays parlor tricks for a living." He pointed his wand at Severus._

_Severus could sense the Dark Lord's ire rising, and when Voldemort lost his temper, his followers suffered. He had no wish to be Crucioed again, not over such a thing as this. So he scrambled for something that would convince his dark master that the prophecy had some value. "Dumbledore believes in it."_

_"Hmm . . .Perhaps the old man is growing senile." Voldemort mused. "Or . . . perhaps he knows something we do not . . . I shall have to think about it." His wand lowered. "You may go, Severus. Now that you have that teaching post, I expect you to bring me more information."_

_"Yes, my lord. I shall do better next time." Severus bowed and then departed, little suspecting where that partial prophecy would lead._

Severus had never forgiven himself for encouraging his dark master to take the prophecy seriously. He blamed himself for Voldemort hunting down and targeting the Potters, even though Severus had done his best to convince Potter and Lily to go into hiding. He had suggested the Fidelius Charm, but had not expected Potter to pick obvious Secret Keepers or pick a place that was a known home of his family.

_As he had said to Joe, "The whole purpose of hiding is to go somewhere no one will expect you to be and to have as a Secret Keeper someone who is not your best mate from school, because then people will guess who it is and torture them for the secret they hold. Then again, subtlety has never been Potter's forte."_

_"He's a Gryffindor, right?" chuckled Madley. "Subtlety isn't in their vocabulary, except for maybe Albus. But by and large, most of them are as subtle as a rock."_

When the unthinkable had happened, and both Potters lay dead that Halloween night, Severus had been inconsolable. It was Joe who had prevented the distraught young sorcerer from putting a wand to his head and killing himself.

_"Severus, I will not allow you to burden yourself like this. Grieve for your lost love, but do not follow her into the grave. What good would that do, son? She would not want that. Besides, it was not your fault they were betrayed by their Secret Keeper, or that James Potter was not smart enough to hide his family away where no one would look. They were warned, they knew what they faced. They gambled and they lost. While it is a tragedy, it would be an even greater one if you were killed too."_

_"You don't understand, Joe. Without her, I have nothing . . ." Severus sobbed._

_Madley's eyes flashed and he took the younger man by the shoulders and shook him. "Nothing, you say? Am I nothing then? Is Jaycee? David? Tim? We took you in and rescued you from the dark, Severus Snape! Would you leave your family to follow a woman through the Veil who never loved you the way you loved her? She made her choice long ago, and she lived and died for it. But **you** don't have to. You have so much to live for, son! All of us love you and it would kill me to lose you. Think, Severus! All of your research and hard work on your potions, will it all be lost? All wasted? If that's not enough to convince you to stay, think of Lily's son. He will need you someday, perhaps to be a mentor to him as I am to you. Don't throw away your life chasing shadows, Severus. Live! For only in living can you receive absolution and redeem yourself for your mistakes."_

_Something in that heartfelt speech touched Severus, and he dropped his wand on the floor and crumpled to the ground, weeping wretchedly. He barely noticed when his mentor knelt and gathered him in his arms, holding him fast. "I'm so sorry, Severus. But you're not alone. I'm here for you, and will always be, as long as I live."_

Severus came back to himself with a start, wiping a stray tear or two from his eyes. Joe Madley was as good as his word. He had been there for Severus to give advice to when he started teaching and to do research on difficult potions with. He had become the father Severus had never had.

When Joe had passed years before, Severus had mourned him as much as Jaycee and David had, even though his passing had been peaceful. Severus had come to see him a few days before he died.

Their last conversation had been brief but poignant.

_"I know I am dying, Sev. There's no need to tiptoe around the truth. I have lived over a hundred years and that is far longer than ever I expected. I am worn out, son. It's time for me to move on to my reward, and join your mother in heaven."_

_"I know. But I . . .will miss you, Joe." Severus admitted hoarsely, struggling to keep from breaking down. "You've been more than a mentor to me. You've been the father I never had."_

_The old wizard smiled then. "That's good, Sev. I had hoped . . . you would come to see me that way. You made me proud, Sev. I am privileged to have taught you. I shall not ask you not to mourn me, for I know it would be a waste of time, but I shall ask you to remember three things—one, that there is nothing like the subtle science of potions, two, that I love you like my own, and three—as long as you remember me, I will never die. Those who are remembered live forever. Remember, Severus."_

_Severus reached over and clasped the now frail hand and whispered, "I promise. I will never forget you . . . Dad."_

Recalling those last moments made tears stream down his face. But he had kept his promise.

He stood, hearing footsteps coming across the grass. He carefully wiped his face with a handkerchief. He could almost hear Joe scolding him playfully, _"Don't you go all maudlin on me, boy! I'm having a grand old time up here, teaching the angels how to brew a Draught of Peace and some firewhiskey, among other things. Now pull yourself together and go out and live your life."_

Chuckling softly, Severus turned. Only to run smack into a little girl with brown curly hair and bright blue eyes wearing a plaid skirt and white blouse with a heart and wand emblazoned on it. Severus recognized the crest as belonging to the Heart of Magic School for Young Witches, a wizarding primary academy.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, sir!" she gasped, and would have fallen had Severus not grabbed her.

"Laura, for Merlin's sake! How many times have I told you not to go tearing about in the graveyard like that? You're libel to fall and hit your head. Or cause someone else to!" cried a familiar voice.

Severus looked up. "Jaycee?"

"Sev, is that you?" she called, walking swiftly down the path. "Oh, it's been too long since I saw you last! Not since Daddy died." The next thing he knew, she was hugging him.

"I always meant to come and visit, but then something always managed to get in the way." He murmured, hugging her back. "You haven't changed a bit."

"Flatterer. My hair's going gray." Jaycee giggled. "But you look exactly the same, Sev. How's teaching?"

"Driving me insane," he admitted.

"Dad used to say that a lot."

"How's Tim?"

"Fine. Still puttering in the garden."

"Is this your little girl?"

"No, this is my niece, Laura. David's child. She lives with me now. I'm sure you read about the accident in the papers."

"Yes. I'm so sorry for your loss," he said, directing the statement to both women. David and his wife Chenille had died when a car had run them over while walking.

"Thank you," Laura said politely.

"Laura, this is Severus Snape, he's like my brother. He used to be your grandpa's apprentice. Although I should probably call you professor now," Jaycee introduced her to Severus.

"Pleased to meet you, sir," Laura held out her hand to shake.

Severus took it gravely. "Likewise, Miss Madley. You remind me a great deal of your grandfather."

"That's what Aunt Jaycee says. I really don't remember him much, I was only three when he died. I wish I could remember more, but Aunt Jaycee tells me stories and shows me pictures. What do you teach, sir?"

"Potions, like your grandfather," Severus replied.

Laura smiled. "I like potions! My mum used to say it was in my blood." Abruptly she turned away, sniffling, and laid a bouquet of flowers on the grave. Her parents had died only a year ago, so her loss was still fresh.

Severus understood. "I lost my mother when I was a few years older than you, Laura."

"Do you still miss her?" the little girl asked.

"Always. But I remembered something your grandfather said to me a long time ago. He told me that as long as you remember someone you loved, they will never die. They will live forever in your heart. He was right. For as I sat here remembering him, it was as if he lived again. And my mother as well."

"Really? But doesn't it make you sad?"

"Sometimes. But that is better than forgetting them, isn't it?"

Laura thought about it for a moment. "Yes. My grandpa was a wise man, wasn't he?"

"He was the wisest man I ever knew," Severus agreed. "How old are you, Laura?"

"Eight."

"So you have three more years until you go to Hogwarts," he mused.

"Yes, sir. Do you teach there, sir?"

"I do. I am the Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House."

"Cool! I can't wait to go there. And at least now I'll know someone there and you can teach me like grandpa did to you."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Most of my students aren't as enthusiastic as you are to attend my class, Miss Madley."

Laura shrugged. "That's 'cause most kids have no head for potions and think it's a waste of time. But I don't. Potions are awesome!"

"Good. Then I shall look forward to having you in my class," Severus said sincerely. If the girl were anything like her grandfather, she would do the Madley name proud.

He stepped back slightly to give Jaycee and Laura room to stand near the grave and as he looked at the two witches, he felt an odd sort of peace flow through him. Remembering his mother and mentor had hurt sometimes, but better that than having no memories at all. He owed them both so much, for being there when things were at their darkest pass, and teaching him about forgiveness, honor, integrity, and love. They were timeless lessons and perhaps someday he would teach them to some of his students, and so pass on the legacy of Eileen and Joe. In that way he would honor them best.


End file.
